I see this month that AOL is offering a Porsche as a prize for one of its loyal users.

AOL, which is famous for sending out unsolicited DVDs and CDs with the pace and regularity of a metronome, seems to be annoyed by the fact that someone else is sending out useless information to its subscribers.

So, from the saddle of its high horse, AOL is cracking down on email spammers, and has seized the assets of many. To give something back to the "people" it is raffling some of these assets.

First in the straw barrel is a 2002 Porsche Boxster S, obtained in a lawsuit against a man who AOL estimates made quite a bit of money from such mass-mailings - and AOL should know.

This got me thinking, perhaps I too could make a fair bit of money. So I decided to take up spamming. The only problem was I didn't have the funds to buy a server, mass-mailing kit, army of winged monkeys, snappy uniform, four-seater convertible, or anything else that a modern evildoer might need. So instead I decided to print a large number of postcard-size advertisements to hand out to people.

But it has not gone well. My first offer relates to something close to men's hearts - well, closer to their hip bone to be truthful. Yes it's that old walnut the penis enlarger, but so far interest is low. Perhaps I ought not to have begun by handing out my cards in the shower room of the local gym. I suppose that it was just too targeted.

Spam, you see, is not normally so precise. Much like pigeons in Trafalgar Square it is legion and doesn't care where its mess ends up. However, given the disappointing results, I have decided to abandon my new career move before it has really started; besides, the competition is fierce and ever-growing.

According to reports, spammers are now turning to instant message technology to spread their missives even further.

"Spim" (I can barely bring myself to acknowledge the name for it) is projected to triple from 400 million instant messages in 2003 to 1.2 billion by the end of this year. So if you use instant messaging and are upset that "spimmers" are ignoring you, don't worry - they are bound to catch up with you pretty soon.

This epidemic could seriously undermine productivity in firms that are allowing employees to use instant messaging systems.

To find out the size of the potential problem, IT managers should find out which communications systems are being used by staff, and for what purpose. Instant messaging should have a place in some working environments but in many it is just a drain on company resources and staff time. Add emails about small packages, pep-up pills and farmyard frolics to the mix and you have the kind of traffic best reserved for Hamburg's notorious Reeperbahn.

Software for this kind of auditing exists, so why not use it? If something is amiss then talk to your staff about what they use and why they use it. If it is inappropriate then tell them so, if not then draw up a usage policy.